


The Dad Vader Chronicles

by LadyVader23



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Child Leia Organa, Child Luke Skywalker, Crack, Darth Vader's A+ parenting, Family, Fluff, Gen, One Shot Collection, Parent Darth Vader, but in the same au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24368515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyVader23/pseuds/LadyVader23
Summary: A series of one shots centered around Vader as he attempts to raise two Force Sensitive children. In no particular chronological order. Dad Vader is Best Vader! Originally posted on Tumblr.
Relationships: Leia Organa & Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker & Darth Vader
Comments: 64
Kudos: 391





	1. Darth Vader's First Trick or Treat

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series of one shots in the same AU based around Vader raising the twins. The prompts are either inspired by events in mine or friends lives, or from reader requests. I add to it often between major fic postings, or as requests come. Enjoy!

"What are you wearing?"

Sadly, this wasn't the first time Vader had asked one of the twins this question. Children, he'd learned, were rather creative when left to decide what clothes they wanted (or didn't want) to wear.

Leia stared up at him. Even at five, she was small for her age, and the fake stormtrooper armor, tutu, and frilly pink crown almost dwarfed her. It was definitely not what he expected to see when he walked in the door after two weeks of being away in the Outer Rim. "I'm a stormtrooper princess." She announced, matter-of-fact.

He waited a few breathing cycles before answering. "There is no such thing as a stormtrooper princess."

Wrong thing to say. The smile disappeared, and she leveled a dark glare at him. A promise of a tantrum of epic proportions to come if he didn't change course immediately. "I'm a princess." She insisted, " _And_ a stormtrooper."

He could have insisted that stormtroopers were well below her, that she deserved to be an empress, but he didn't dare. He'd learned when to pick his battles. This was not one of them. Still, why would she be dressed as…?

"DADDY!" Luke shrieked from somewhere else in the apartment. Vader tensed, hand going to his lightsaber, but he forced himself to relax, especially as his son came running from the fresher, arms up for a hug.

He too, was also in an odd costume.

He bent down and scooped him up. The boy wore a furry, spotted onesie. A headband was nestled in his mop of blonde hair, two spotted, long ears flopping around from it. His face was painted like...like…

A Loth Cat.

It would seem that he was missing something important.

Thankfully, the twin's nanny appeared. She was the longest lasting nanny, mainly because the last time he'd killed one, his children had cried for weeks wondering when she was coming back. He wouldn't be doing that again until they were old enough to understand the consequences of failing him, or they simply didn't need one anymore. "Ah, Lord Vader." She greeted with a tired smile. "We thought to expect you tomorrow."

"I came a day early." He replied absently, still looking between his twins. "Why are my children dressed like hooligans?"

"Tonight is Hallows Eve." The nanny, Miss Laena, his children called her, explained patiently. "The Senate is putting on an event for the children of all the Senators and high ranking Imperial officials. We went last year and the twins loved it."

Behind the mask, Vader made a face. That explained the costumes. "My children are above them. They have no need to dress up like common rabble."

"Please daddy?" Luke begged, throwing his little arms around his neck. Oh, that wasn't fair. Pretend as he might, he had little defenses when his children showered him with innocent affection. He couldn't bring himself to ruin it. "We'll be extra good, promise!"

"I'll share my candy with you." Leia agreed, eagerly.

"I could take them, Lord Vader. We'll be back by nine." Miss Laena offered.

"I was expecting an evening with my children." He would never admit it to the woman, but he missed them terribly when he was away. If he could find an excuse to bring them with him, he would, but they were still too young to be on a Star Destroyer.

"Well...why don't you go with them?"

His mood barely had a chance to darken before the twins were squealing with delight. His ears wrung from it. "Daddy's coming!" Leia crowed.

"What are you going to be, daddy?" Luke chimed in.

Vader set his son down. "I am not going to be anything other than myself." _Just like you two should be,_ he added mentally, but he didn't say it. The last thing he wanted to do was walk around the Senate building while children in costumes ran around high on too much sugar.

But his children were clearly excited at the prospect of him joining them, and though the idea of Darth Vader, Second in Command to the Empire, Lord of the Sith, joining them on a night meant for children was ridiculous…

He did miss them.

"Miss Laena."

"Yes, My Lord?"

"We will not speak of this conversation again. I expect you back in the morning before my meeting with the Emperor at nine."

And that's how Lord Vader found himself following behind a Loth Cat and a Princess Stormtrooper as they rushed from office to office, collecting candy in black buckets.

The first office they visited, Vader stood directly behind his children, arms crossed over his chest. Luke reached up with his fist and lightly tapped on the door. When no one answered, Vader inwardly sighed. "You need to use your strength, Luke. Like this." He reached up and _pounded._

The door swung open moments later, and they were faced with the Senator from the Hosnian system. "Oh what adorable little…" she began, then her face drained of color when she saw who was standing behind them, glaring through his mask.

"Thank you, Senator!" Leia replied politely, no doubt at the encouragement of their nanny, but the senator didn't seem to hear them.

"Ah, h-h-h-here, have whatever you want!" She yelped, dumping the entire contents of her bowl into Luke and Leia's buckets, then slamming the door.

"Wow!" Luke grinned, "Whatta nice lady!"

"More like terrified." Vader grumbled under his breath as he ushered them towards the next office. The sooner this as done, the better.

The next few offices ended the same way, forcing Vader to give the twins space so that he didn't immediately scare the senators into inadvertently giving his children a mouthful of cavities. It only mostly worked.

As they continued, more and more children in costumes began running around the halls. They were dressed as all manner of aliens, creatures, droids, characters from holovids, celebrities...to his dismay, he even glimpsed a rudimentary mini Darth Vader running around. "Oh, I didn't know I could be daddy!" Luke gasped when he saw the other child.

"That is _not_ an option, Young One."

The longer the event went on, the more he wanted to pick his children up in each arm and carry them home. Tantrum or not, being surrounded by screaming children in costumes was a special brand of _torture._ At one point, a boy a little older than Luke approached him and dared to tell him that his Darth Vader costume was "just good."

"Oh, that's my daddy." Leia informed the boy. "He's the real Darth Vader."

Vader might have been more amused by the squeak of horror from the boy as he ran off if he wasn't annoyed by being told he only looked like a _good_ impersonation of himself. What did that even mean? How could he look more like himself than he already…?

It didn't matter. He was a stupid kid. Whatever costume manufacturer dared to make a Darth Vader costume in the first place would be getting a visit from him straight after his meeting with the Emperor. They wouldn't survive for the next Hallows Eve.

But, blessedly, the twins buckets filled to the brim. "No, you cannot use my cape to get more candy." Vader growled when Luke brought it up.

"Then what is it for?"

"It's…" It was because it made him appear more terrifying to his victims, but he wasn't about to tell his children that. "It's because I like it. But that's not the point. You two have enough sweets to last you an entire year. We are returning home."

"But we haven't been to all of the offices!" Leia complained, which earned her a long, stern look from him. Even though she couldn't see his expression, she could sense it, and she sighed. "Fiiiiiine."

But before they could turn and leave, a cold, dark, horribly _familiar_ presence interrupted them. "Ah, Lord Vader. Is it you who is spreading fear among my senators?"

The fake, gravely voice of the Emperor grated on his nerves, but he forced himself to keep a cool composure as he turned to face the robed man followed by two red guards. Figures he'd make an appearance, if only to keep up the stupid facade of being a grandfatherly figure. "It is not my problem if they are all witless fools." Casually, he stepped in front of Luke and Leia, attempting to hide them from the Emperor's view.

The Emperor may have allowed him to keep his children, but there would come a day when he'd decide to risk Vader's wrath. He doubted Hallows Eve, surrounded by senators and children, was that day but he would never be too careful.

"I didn't think I would ever see you at an event like this." The Emperor mused, and Vader didn't miss how his golden eyes drifted to where Luke and Leia stood, peeping out at the man from behind his cloak. "But it seems I've found the answer."

A chill crawled up Vader's spine. He shouldn't have taken them. He should have let Leana do it. He should have…

"I like your costume, Leia." The Emperor's voice turned honeyed, inviting. Leia didn't move from behind him. Good girl. "A stormtrooper and a princess. Clever."

"Thank you, your highness." Leia quietly replied. Vader would need to thank Leana for enforcing manners in his children.

But then the Emperor turned his gaze on Luke, and the fake smile faltered. It took everything in him not to block his son from his view. "And Luke. A Loth Cat." The robed head tilted. "Did you know that you look exactly like your father used to?"

Luke was silent for a few seconds, and Vader worried he wouldn't respond. But, then, "Thank you, your highness." His son replied in a soft voice.

The obligatory terrorizing of his children being complete, the Emperor turned back to Vader. "I will see you bright and early." And there was warning in his voice.

The Emperor was not pleased by his presence at the children's event.

Vader inclined his head as the older man hobbled by. "Yes, my Master."

He waited until the Emperor disappeared from sight before he took his children's hands and led them home as quickly as their legs would take them.

He didn't encounter resistance.

But, the moment they returned home, the coldness of the Emperor was forgotten. He collapsed on the plush black couch in the sitting room while his children dumped the contents of their candy on the floor to inspect their haul, giggling as they did so.

"One, two, three…" Luke began.

He closed his eyes, trying to push back the headache.

"Twenty four, twenty...oh. I have to start over."

"Does it matter how many you got?" He asked, dryly.

"Yes." Leia replied. "Daddy, can you count for us?"

He was a Sith Lord. He had other things he had to do besides…

He helped them count.

"Ha!" Leia grinned. "I have more than you!"

"Actually, Luke has more…" Vader started.

"See? Daddy says I have more!" Luke stuck his tongue out, reaching for a piece of candy.

"No, no candy tonight." He needed to meditate. That wasn't going to happen if they were bouncing off the walls. "You can have some tomorrow, but only if you're good and go to bed now." He made a mental note to leave specific instructions for Leana.

Thankfully his threat worked. Or at least, it did on Leia. She reached over and gave him a hug goodnight, then rushed off to her room.

"Daddy?" Luke asked.

Already, he was preparing to force himself to stay calm. His patience was running thin. "Yes, Young One?"

Luke approached him, carefully toeing over the candy piles. "I like it when you come. Can you come next year?"

He opened his mouth to remind him that he had duties, that he was usually off planet for this useless holiday, but...he closed it. His son stared at him with such hope in those blue eyes, eyes that used to match his own…

If he wasn't certain before that his children would be his downfall, he was now. He found he didn't care.

"I'll do my best." He promised, and something in his chest eased at seeing the bright smile on his boy's face. "I'm glad you had fun, my son. Now, let's go get your face cleaned up..."


	2. Luke's Math Test

"You have failed me for the last time, captain." Vader snarled. "I wanted those Rebels alive for questioning, not burning in a pit on a backwater planet in the Outer Rim!"

Captain Baschi's skin paled. He could feel his fear seeping into the Force. Vader drank it in, let it fuel him.

"L-Lord Vader, I assure you, we did everything possible to…" Baschi's words cut off and Vader watched as the captain grasped at his throat.

It was futile. He didn't know why people bothered to try to pry off what wasn't physically there.

Behind him, he listened to the sound of the blast door hissing open. "Dad!"

Vader froze, his hold on the captain's throat disappearing. He felt his son's blinding presence in the Force before he whirled to face him, to command him to leave. He was _busy,_ and his son needed to…

Luke slid to a stop in front of him, grinning ear-to-ear. He either ignored or didn't notice Captain Baschi gasping and coughing for air behind Vader. "Guess what?" The boy practically hopped in front of him, and had Vader not been in the middle of killing a witless fool, he might have found it amusing.

"Luke, I am in the middle of…" he broke off as Luke pulled out a data pad and lifted it for him to see. Had anyone else interrupted him mid-sentence, he at least would have taught them a lesson they would never forget, but this was his son. He'd discuss the matter with him later, away from the prying eyes of his subordinates.

"I passed the test!"

Sure enough, Vader could see the score reflected on Luke's electronic copy of his math test. The end-of-year test he'd been stressing out over for weeks. Vader didn't appreciate the stress the school put his child under over a stupid, meaningless piece of paper that wouldn't affect the boy's life in any way, but he wouldn't admit that to his son. So, he'd encouraged him, made great speeches on why it was important to use his fear to fuel him into becoming stronger, all the things a good Sith Lord father should say to his son.

But the boy didn't just pass; he achieved top marks.

So, his speech worked, then.

"I am pleased, son." And he meant it. His chest swelled with pride, the Dark Side momentarily slipping from his grasp. He didn't care, not when his son beamed at him as if he'd won the Boonta Eve Classic. Vader would give the entire galaxy to see his son smile like that. "Congratulations are in order."

Luke lowered the data pad. Vader didn't think it was possible, but the boy bounced harder. He knew what came next. "You promised that if I did well, we'd go flying, in your new TIE fighter."

Behind the mask, Vader couldn't help but smile. One thing he'd learned over the last ten years: children remembered every promise, big or small. This was one promise he was pleased to keep. "As soon as I am done dealing with Captain Baschi. Why don't you…"

Luke gasped, and before Vader could stop him, he darted around his father. "Captain Baschi, look! Your tutoring helped!"

Vader blinked, looking from his son to the terrified captain who attempted a smile for the boy. "I'm glad to be of service, Luke." Baschi's voice was rough from the throat maiming Vader had begun only minutes earlier.

"Tutoring?" Vader repeated, evenly.

The captain winced, but Luke didn't seem bothered. "Yeah, do you remember when I went to talk to you a few nights ago?" Yes, Vader remembered. He'd been in the middle of meditating when the boy had come running in. He'd sent him away, despite Luke's protests. "Well, after I left, I ran into Captain Baschi and asked him to help me practice."

Vader clenched his teeth as a wave of jealousy washed over him. Luke was _his_ son. He was _his_ to help.

And yet...he'd turned the boy away. And he'd found help in the Captain.

"Starship captains are not tutors, Luke." Vader admonished.

Luke winced. "I know. I just…" then he mumbled something Vader couldn't understand.

"What did I say about mumbling, son?"

Luke sighed. "I wanted to make you proud. So...I figured, he couldn't have gotten to be a captain without being good at math, so…" He shrugged.

Vader stared at his son, warring with conflicting feelings. Baschi had failed him in the capture of the Rebel cell. He deserved punishment for that...but he'd also helped his son. He'd of course heard the rumors on board that if either of his children were aboard, having them around helped spare lives. He hated that rumor-because it was true. He didn't have the heart to ruin his children's innocence. He could kill Baschi later, but…

He'd helped his son. Luke was happy. He'd achieved an admirable goal because of the captain's assistance.

"Captain Baschi." Vader said, sternly.

The captain immediately straightened up, and he could feel the man tensing, bracing for what was to come. "Y-yes, My Lord?"

He waited a breath. One day, Luke would not be enough to save them from his wrath. But that day had not yet come. "Take this as a _warning._ Do not fail me again." The threat was clear in his words, and Luke frowned, looking between the captain and his father.

Captain Baschi nodded curtly, and with a wave of his hand, Vader dismissed the man.

Luke watched the captain go, a frown still on his face. He almost expected the boy to ask what that had been about, but the moment Baschi was gone, that excited smile creeped back onto his expression, making the boy look younger than his ten years. "So, can we go now?"

Vader pretended to think about it. "I suppose I could clear my schedule…"

" _Dad."_

Vader smiled, and though Luke couldn't see it, he knew his son felt the sentiment behind the gesture. "Alright. Let's go flying."


	3. Darth Vader Visits the Pediatrician

He couldn't take it. He was going to go crazy. He'd already killed an entire platoon of men. All because he was _exhausted._

He'd always known having a baby would be hard work. He'd overheard stories about parents staying up all hours of the night simply because their baby wouldn't fall asleep, or would need changing, or would need to be fed. He was prepared for that. He preferred to meditate anyway, to avoid dreams of _her._

But he wasn't prepared for the non-stop crying. It didn't help that he had not one, but _two_ babies.

And he was by himself.

They'd barely stopped crying for the last two days. He'd done everything, but nothing seemed to soothe his little ones. Luke's cries were small, rasping whimpers that tore at what little was left of his heart, but Leia...he was certain the entire Empire could hear her. He tried to focus on getting her to stop first, because as long as she was still screaming, Luke wouldn't stop either, but he never got her to quiet for long enough to get him to stop.

Why? Why him?

They'd been fine the first few days after bringing them home, after convincing the Emperor that they wouldn't be a threat if they never used their abilities. But then he'd fed them one night, put them down, and was ripped from his meditation by their awful screeching.

He was coming apart at the seams. He couldn't focus. People died just for being in his way at the wrong time. He knew the Emperor was pleased by his unhinged behavior, for now, but he'd need to get it under control before the older man tired of it and decided to intervene.

If only she were there. She'd know what to do.

But she wasn't. It was just him, and even though he was a Sith Lord who had a reputation to maintain, he was still a man who needed five minutes to rest.

So after trying everything again for the umpteenth time, and beginning to worry that there must be something medically wrong with them, he loaded the twins into their carriers, got them in his safest (but still fastest) speeder, and booked it across Coruscant.

He needed to do this far away from the prying eyes of the puppet Senate and the Emperor's lackeys. He wasn't foolish enough to think he'd get a chance to be anonymous-no, everyone knew of the Emperor's new right hand. He was impossible to miss in the suit. And he wasn't willing to take his children to a nondescript establishment. Those were usually that way for a reason-illegal, unsanitary reasons more fitting for a bounty hunter, not two babies. He couldn't use his own medical droids-they were cold, lifeless, cruel, a personal punishment for himself, not for sweet little ones. So he still found an office in a reputable neighborhood and parked his speeder with haste.

They'd cried the entire way. When he let go of the wheel, it was bent from the pressure he exerted on it.

He'd fix it later. First, the twins.

He unloaded them and stormed into the small, tidy doctors office, using the Force to throw the door open, a baby carrier in each hand. "I need to see a doctor _now."_ He snapped, a little too loudly. The babies started crying harder.

A nurse droid hovered behind a desk. There was a woman with her baby already in front of the droid, and they both turned at his pronouncement. "You will wait your turn." the droid, ever loyal to its programing, replied firmly before turning back to the woman.

But the woman had gone pale at the sight of him storming toward her, a baby carrier in both hands. "Ah, no, I'll wait, thank you." She sheepishly told the droid and hurried out into the childishly decorated lobby, finding the furthest corner away from him.

The droid made a disapproving click as it turned to him. "If you're going to scare away our patients, I'm going to have to ask you to…"

He'd stopped at the reception desk, carefully used the Force to keep Luke and Leia's carriers hovering next to him, and evenly placed his hands on the counter before the droid. From most people, it wouldn't have been a threatening gesture, but the droid had the good sense to back up a step, re-evaluating the situation. "I _said,"_ Vader hissed, putting the clear threat of dismemberment behind the words, "You will get me a doctor _NOW."_

As if to support his words, the twins wailed. He gritted his teeth.

The droid was silent for a beat. "D-do you have an...appoint….?"

"I am not in the habit of asking more than once, droid, so if you value your meaningless life, I suggest you…"

"What is going on here?" A male voice interrupted.

Both Vader and the droid looked up to find a human male doctor approaching. He was an older gentleman, with dark hair that was graying around the temples, and light colored eyes that darted between him, his nurse droid, and the hovering carriers with the crying babies. Unlike the stupid droid who followed its protocol a little too literally, the man had the good sense to realize what was happening, and what was about to happen if he didn't intervene. "Ah, AZI-5, cancel my appointments for the next few hours."

The droid, AZI-5, glanced between the doctor and Vader. "Very well. Sir, if you could sign…"

Vader was about to rip the droid to shreds with his bare hands, but the doctor quickly interrupted. "Please, Lord Vader, right this way. No need to sign in."

Well. At least someone had the good sense to stay alive. Taking hold of the carriers again, Vader followed the doctor into the office.

The room the doctor led Vader into was brightly painted with clowns and balloons on the walls. There were a few posters showing various infant life forms and rather generic medical information about babies, and a small padded table with sanitary paper on it. Vader set the carriers on the table, whirled to face the doctor, and demanded, "Make them stop. _Now."_

The doctor, who had just finished closing the door, blinked at him, then at the crying babies. "Well, who do we have here?" He was attempting to sound like the normal supposedly approachable pediatrician he probably was, but his voice was strained.

Vader crossed his arms over his chest, reluctantly stepping back to let the doctor look at his children. His hands clenched into fists. "My children. Luke and Leia. And do dispense with the pleasantries, doctor. I'm here to get them back to their normal routine, and they aren't going to notice the difference between you talking like a normal human being and like a fool."

The doctor was already carefully checking Luke over as he replied. "I understand, Lord Vader, but it's better for babies development to use voices like that when talking to them. It helps them develop better language skills early on."

He didn't see how that was possible, but then again, he hadn't been around babies in-well, ever. "Just make them stop crying."

The doctor had moved from Luke to Leia, who squirmed in her carrier under the intense speculation. "When did they start?"

"Two days ago. They haven't stopped." He watched the doctor, using the Force to reach out and check over his daughter himself. If the man scared his children and made it worse, he'd pay. But he didn't get the sense that Leia was more upset than she already was, so he forced himself to relax. Marginally.

"How often are you...how often are they being fed?"

He didn't like the insinuation that he didn't feed them himself. He did, when he was home, which was more often than the Emperor liked. "Usually seven times a day."

The doctor nodded. "Good." Vader bit his lip as the doctor picked Luke up, then Leia. He didn't like others holding them, not without his permission.

"Have you dealt with twins before?" Vader couldn't help but ask. He figured, since the man was a pediatrician, but he needed to be sure he wouldn't do something stupid and accidentally hurt them before he could stop him.

"Frequently." The doctor assured him. "And you're changing them?"

"Of course. I wouldn't allow my children to sit in filth."

"I didn't mean to offend." The man must have heard the threat in Vader's voice, because he could feel his sudden spike of fear. But his hands on the babies remained steady and calm. "They're healthy, with no fever or signs of illness...if I may, how long have you had the babies, Lord Vader?"

He glared, bitter, fresh wounds reopening as he remembered finding his precious babes on Tatooine, in the hands of the family that had allowed his own mother to be killed. "A week." He said, simply.

The doctor didn't dare ask about the previous two months of their lives. "And I assume you haven't had much experience with children?"

Vader didn't even bother to answer such an idiotic question. The answer was obvious.

After a moment of enduring his intense stare, the doctor cleared his throat. "Ah. Have you...burped the babies after feeding them?"

He frowned. "Have I what?"

The doctor nodded, evidently pleased that he'd found something wrong with Vader's parenting. If he wasn't holding his children… "Can you take Luke?"

Vader did so, holding him close to his chest. The baby in his arms quieted a little, squirmed closer, but didn't stop crying. He sent soothing feelings through their bond while he watched the doctor pull a white rag from a drawer and place it over his shoulder. Then, he turned Leia around, set her face near the rag…

And began pounding on her back.

" _What do you think you're doing?!"_ Vader thundered, reaching out through the Force to grab the man's throat.

The doctor's eyes widened as he gagged, but he didn't stop pounding on Leia's back as he choked out, "Babies...need...burping…"

He loosened his grip, but only marginally. In his arms, Luke was squirming, sensing his father's panic. "Explain."

The doctor didn't waste what breath he had to complain about the choke hold. "After feeding...you need...to burp them. Otherwise, they get...gassy, fussy...you have to do it...like this…"

Vader released his hold, and the doctor sucked in a breath just as Leia let out a massive baby burp...and threw up all over the rag.

The doctor was back in a choke hold. "You made it WORSE." Vader thundered, horrified to see that his daughter was now sick on top of everything else.

This time, the doctor didn't have room to speak, though he kept trying.

"What, I suppose you're going to tell me this is part of it?!" Vader sarcastically snarled...and to his horror, the doctor managed to nod. Just as quickly, Vader released him again and the doctor began to cough. The entire time, the man hadn't dropped Leia and…

She was no longer screaming.

She was still sniffling, even as the doctor continued on her back and she threw up a few more times onto the rag, but she didn't cry anymore.

"It's normal for babies to throw up." the doctor's voice was raspy now, but he still remained remarkably calm. At least outwardly. Vader could sense his terror, but it didn't interfere with his actions to help Leia. "This young, they need help to do it on their own. When they're older, they usually manage by themselves until their digestive system can handle keeping it all down."

He stared at the doctor. Then, slowly, he looked down at a still crying Luke. It seemed backwards to do such a thing to his precious little ones. But, apparently, they needed it, and he'd had no idea. What else was he missing with them, not just because he was a Sith lord, but because he literally had no prior baby experience?

The doctor seemed to sense his distress. "It's normal for all first-time parents to feel overwhelmed." He tried to assure him. "It can be even more so with twins."

He was Darth Vader. He was a Lord of the Sith. he was supposed to be better than this.

But, he supposed, Sith Lords and babies didn't usually mix. This was uncharted territory, and as much as he hated it, he needed help.

"What is your name?"

The doctor hesitated, as though he knew what was coming. "Doctor Rawley, My Lord."

Vader looked back up at him. "You will attend to my children in the future-at my personal residence. You will not breathe a word of it to anyone. If you do, your life will be forfeit."

Doctor Rawley was good at keeping a calm outward demeanor, but Vader could sense the resignation and apprehension behind it. "Of course, Lord Vader. I understand."

"Good. But for now," he looked back down at the crying boy in his arms. "Teach me what you know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by my dad. He was the youngest and never hung out around babies, so when my mom was pregnant with me and he saw the baby she was babysitting throw up, he FREAKED OUT, tried to take the baby to the ER, and when my mom explained it was normal, he gasped out in horror, "THEY DO THAT? OH NO I DON'T WANT A BABY!" Too late, dad. Too late. So, I figured Vader probably had a few of these moments hahaha.


	4. Darth Vader's Helmet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For El Droide

Everyone stared at him.

It wasn't unusual to have eyes on him at all times. Ever since he'd left Tatooine at age nine, someone had always been watching him. The Jedi, the public, the Senate, Darth Sidious; and now his crew. But he'd had this crew long enough that they shouldn't have been so open with their stares as he stormed through the corridors of the Devastator.

With each step, paranoia grew. Just yesterday, people had been pretending not to see him as he passed. Today they gawked at him as though he'd painted his cloak neon pink. So, what was different about today?

Unable to stand it any longer, he stretched out in the Force, probing the emotions of the men around him. Usually he ignored them, considering them well beneath his consideration, but if they wanted to stare, then he was more than willing to turn his own attention on them. Let them face the consequences.

As expected, there was the usual fear, but it was overshadowed by a mix of horror and-amusement?

He stopped in his tracks, his breathing echoing in the hall. Those around him began attempting to scurry off casually, pretending that they hadn't been staring. But it was too late. Vader reached out, grabbing an officer he didn't know or care to know by the neck, dragging him back to stand in front of him. "Why is everyone staring at me, corporal?" he demanded, loosening his hold just enough for the man to answer him.

The man's eyes widened to a point Vader didn't even think possible, and he gaped, his mouth moving but no sounds coming out as he looked straight into Vader's mask. Vader shook him roughly. " _Speak. NOW."_

"Y-y-your….hel-helmet, My Lord…" He squeaked.

Vader frowned. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"What. About. My helmet. _Corporal?"_ He hissed, moving in closer to the man's face.

The officer had gone deathly pale. "It's...different…."

That didn't help. How could his helmet be different? He'd been in the bacta tank...he hadn't bothered to check his suit when he'd pulled it back on. The helmet was always the last thing to put on, secured using a claw that lowered it snugly back into place. He hadn't made modifications to the helmet, nor had it been damaged in battle, and Luke and Leia…

The thought stopped cold.

Luke. Leia.

More specifically, _Leia._

Without another word, he crushed the man's windpipe and dropped him, striding as quickly as he could towards the nearest port window.

_No, no, no, no…_

With each step, the dread grew until he was standing in front of the window, looking in horror at his reflection.

Even with the red tint of his lens, he could see that the paint on his helmet was of all different colors. There were flowers and images of what he supposed were supposed to be Tooka, rain drops, and...was that... _a rainbow?_

His stomach clenched, horror sweeping over him. How many people had he passed wearing _this?_ He hadn't even paid attention, so it wasn't like he could accurately hunt them all down and kill them before rumors were spread-worse, he was _still out on deck…_

He pivoted, moving as quickly as he could without outright running back towards his quarters and the safety of his pod.

The corridors were mercifully empty. Likely, whoever had seen him stop and kill the corporal figured their lives would be forfeit if he caught them looking at him in this humiliating state. It gave him time to com Miss Laena.

"How may I help you, Lord Vader?" Her voice answered on the second ring.

"Bring my children to my quarters. I would speak with them." His mind replayed all of the art Leia had brought to him over the last few weeks. _I made this for you, daddy._ The inside of his meditation pod was plastered with her art. Not because he enjoyed art, but because he'd read that supporting children in their activities helped them grow intellectually. While his children would definitely not grow up to be artists (for more reasons than one), he had no opposition to anything that would give them a better chance to grow up as healthy and intelligent as possible.

Now he was seriously reconsidering the art issue.

"It will be done, My Lord." He hung up just as he reached his quarters, the pod opening for him automatically. He winced and groaned at all of the taped drawings that shifted as it did so.

He sat in his chair, turning around so that the twin's nanny wouldn't see his humiliating state as she dropped them off, and waited. Sure enough, not five minutes passed when he listened to the doors open, Miss Laena whispering to the twins to go meet with him, before she left. The moment she did, he turned back around to face his children.

Luke and Leia were in the middle of putting on the special breathing masks he'd made for them so that they could breathe easier in the pod while he spoke to them face-to-face. They paused when they saw him wearing the helmet. His eyes narrowed as Leia let out a giggle.

As if he didn't need more proof.

He forced his voice to remain calm. He didn't want to have to chase them down through the Star Destroyer wearing this infernal helmet. They would definitely bolt if they thought they were in trouble. "Luke. Leia. Come in."

Only Luke seemed wary at the invitation, though he followed his sister into the pod. The doors snapped shut, and Vader reached up and removed his helmet, turning it over in his hands. His children, by this point, were used to seeing his scarred face. They had never reacted in fear. He was their father, and they knew he would give them the entire galaxy if it made them happy. That's all they cared about.

"Would you care to explain how my helmet got this way?" Again, his voice, so different than when he was in the suit, was calm. Too calm. Luke shifted uneasily from foot to foot, glancing at Leia, who either didn't notice or didn't care that a storm was brewing.

"Art, daddy." Leia told him proudly.

He clenched his jaw, pushing back the irritation. Openly fighting with Leia was like arguing with a less reasonable version of himself. It did nothing but make things worse. "How did you even get it off the claw?" He shook his head. The answer was obvious: the Force. "No, nevermind, how did you get it _back….?"_

Then his eyes landed on Luke. The child who had a fascination with machines of any sort. Who, whenever he was brought aboard the Devastator, took too much interest in "daddy's machines."

Oh yes. Leia wasn't completely implicated in this.

"Don't you like it, daddy?" Leia frowned. Too innocent. She was five. She knew better, and yet…

"That's not the point." Now his voice was beginning to rise, a fresh wave of shame and humiliation washing over him at the consequences of so many officers seeing him with a painted rainbow on his helmet. "I need this to command my men. They need to respect me. They can't do that when I'm walking around with your latest creation on my face."

Leia crossed her arms, pouting. "Then make them."

He released a breath. It was the perfect answer any Sith father would want to hear. He couldn't tell if she knew that or if she legitimately thought he could just make people respect him with childish paintings on his helmet. "That's not how that works."

"Why not?"

"It just doesn't."

"Well it should."

"Be that as it may, it doesn't." His frustration was mounting. He turned his attention on Luke, who flinched. "Did you also paint something on here?"

Luke kicked his foot absently on the floor. A clear sign he was guilty. "No." When Vader stared at him in disbelief, in a quiet voice he amended his answer. "I drew the kitty."

Of course he did.

Vader held the helmet out to his children. "You are going to go find Miss Leana and clean this helmet."

Leia's lip began to tremble. "You don't like it?"

"Do _not_ cry. I have hung plenty of your pictures on the wall. I don't need to wear it too…"

But tears were starting to fall. It was almost as bad as the time she'd brought him a picture that looked like a blob of squiggles and Vader had guessed wrong what it was. She'd taken that offensively too.

"Leia, I told you, I can't wear this…"

The tears fell harder.

" _Leia."_

She was outright sobbing. "You h-hate my pictures!"

How was this even happening? She was literally in his pod, a pod that was supposed to help him rejuvenate in the _dark side of the Force,_ surrounded by her drawings. How did she even come to this completely illogical conclusion?

But, children were not logical. Especially five year olds.

He huffed. "Fine. I will keep it. But I still cannot wear it."

"No, you hate it!" Leia bawled.

"I _don't."_ He did, and he could see Luke's skeptical expression, but the boy didn't rat him out. His son was always more sensitive to other's emotions. "I will place it in a place of prominence at home on Coruscant."

"What's prom...prom…"

"I will put it in my quarters at home in Coruscant." He amended. He carefully placed the helmet on the armrest of his chair then scooped them up in his arms, holding them close. He sent soothing feelings specifically towards his daughter, and thankfulness towards his son for not ratting his true feelings out. "I just can't wear it here. Maybe…" he hated himself for saying it, but he did it anyway, "Maybe I'll wear it at home."

Oh, he seriously hoped she forgot about that. But it did the trick. She brightened up. "Really?"

"Yes. I'll consider it. No promises. Now can you please stop crying?" Force, he hated it when they cried. Even if he suspected she was doing it because she knew that about him and wanted to get out of trouble. One day it wouldn't work.

But today was not that day.

As she reached up to dry her eyes, Vader turned to Luke. "Can you get me my spare helmet?" Given how often he came back from battle with a broken helmet, he had plenty to spare.

In his arms, Luke squirmed. "Um. Maybe, maybe you could...not wear a helmet?"

"That's not possible."

"Well. Maybe this once…."

His lips thinned. "Luke. Leia. Just how many of my helmets did you _decorate?"_

The twins were silent, looking anywhere but at him. He had his answer, and he made a note to reinforce some rules with Miss Leana about watching his children when he couldn't. But, in the meantime, there was no way he was leaving his chambers. Not with a helmet like that.

"Can we stay with you daddy?" Luke asked.

He sighed. "I apparently have to work from my chamber, so yes." Both of them brightened, but given the extent of what they'd done, he couldn't quite let them off easy. "Oh, Luke? Leia?"

"Yes, daddy?" Leia asked, batting her long lashes at him.

It was almost enough to make him reconsider. Almost.

"You're grounded."


	5. Darth Vader vs The Stripping Phase

Never, in his entire life, had Darth Vader regretted killing someone as much as he now regretted killing the twins sixth nanny.

There were two very important reasons for this, reasons he didn't think about until the day after he'd offed her.

First, the following morning when he told the twins that whats-her-name (he'd already forgotten it) wouldn't be coming back, they'd cried for a good two hours, then intermittently throughout the day. There was nothing- _nothing-_ he hated more than his children crying because of something he'd done.

At least that's what he thought, until he discovered the second reason to regret killing the nanny.

Apparently, Luke and Leia, his sweet, innocent, just barely turned two year olds, had hit their 'stripping' phase.

He hadn't even known such a thing existed. He didn't know how long this had been a problem, either. Had it been going on for a while and the nanny just took care of it without saying anything? Or had the twins, in an act of revenge for murdering their nanny, decided to start streaking through the condo naked as the day they'd been born?

He'd discovered the problem one morning after sitting down to work from his home office. With no nanny to watch them, he needed to be near enough to ensure his little ones were safe.

Much to the Emperor's annoyance.

He'd just posted an ad for another nanny on the holonet when Leia came running in. He looked up to admonish her for interrupting and order her to play somewhere else-but he stopped cold when he realized that the clothes he'd put on her that morning were now mysteriously missing.

"Leia, where are your clothes _?"_ he demanded, going to pick her up. She squealed and evaded his grasp, darting back out into the hallway...where he watched in horror as his equally naked son rushed after her.

He simply stared at the doorway, aghast.

Maybe he hadn't clothed them properly? But...no, he was sure he had…

He quickly rushed to grab the kids and, while they kicked and squirmed in his arms, he forced them back into their clothes.

But the alarming behavior didn't stop.

Three more times that same day. Four more the next. Twice the day after that.

Finally, he called their doctor. Surely there was something wrong. There _had_ to be. He was losing his patience, and not a single nanny application had been submitted and _he was about to go insane…_

"How may I help you, Lord Vader?" Doctor Rawley picked up mercifully quickly.

He was struggling to force Leia back into the black dress he'd picked out for her. He didn't fail to notice Luke was in the corner already trying to break free of his tunic. "Can you explain why, for _Force sake,_ my children insist on tearing their clothes off every time I have my back turned?!... _Leia, stop it right now, young lady!"_

She'd thrown herself dramatically on her back and had started trying to kick him. "NO!" She shrieked, glaring at him.

If they were not his children…

Doctor Rawley hesitated, as he always seemed to do before telling the Dark Lord something he didn't wish to hear. "It's not uncommon for toddlers, once they figure out how to undress, to do it repeatedly."

His hands stilled, and he looked at the comm link in horror. "This...is... _normal?!"_

Admittedly, he said that a lot to Doctor Rawley.

"Yes. It could be for a variety of reasons, but it's usually a fascination with a new skill."

Why. _Why_ hadn't he done his research before deciding to have children?! He was a Sith Lord. Count Dooku never had to deal with this. Neither had Maul, he was certain.

Why? _Why him?_

"What _other reasons_ doctor?"

"Well, they may like the attention they're getting when you react…"

"Are you saying I don't give them enough attention?!"

"N-no, of course not, Lord Vader. I'm simply…"

This time Leia kicked his face-or the helmet-and with a snarl he released her completely. She immediately jumped up and bolted out, a now shirtless Luke hot on her heels.

"What. Other. Reasons?!" He growled at the comm link. The doctor was lucky that he wasn't on holovid, or he'd be dead for witnessing that.

"...Well, they might not like their clothes…"

He was so close to demanding what was wrong with the clothes provided to them, but he was certain the doctor had a logical explanation and he didn't want to hear it. It was just more proof of how ill prepared he was for fatherhood.

"What do you suggest, then?"

"Instead of putting them in the same clothes they were wearing, try putting them into a different outfit instead. And if the outfit closes from the back, that's even better." The doctor hesitated again, and Vader braced himself. "Or...let them have their naked time."

Oh, the doctor was _very_ lucky he was not nearby. "That is a completely unacceptable answer…"

"I understand, Lord Vader. I am merely suggesting what has worked on other toddlers with the same, ah, tendencies."

Vader gritted his teeth. "That will be all." He snapped, and with a wave of his hand the call disconnected. Seconds later, he had his admiral on the line.

When he answered, he didn't even bother with greetings. Instead, he rushed straight to the issue at hand. "Admiral, you will use my funds and you will immediately go to the nearest tailor selling toddler clothes and you will buy every single item in the sizes that I will transmit to you. Spare no expense. I want _all of it."_

"...Y-yes, Lord Vader."

He didn't care if it made him sound like he was spoiling his children. There was no way he would allow them to run free in their name day suits. _No way._

Admittedly, his reputation had taken a hit when he'd found his children and decided to keep them. It was normally not anything he couldn't make up for in battle or in dealing with his subordinates. But if his children were to be found running around without their clothes on?

He didn't think he'd recover from that.

And unfortunately, the Force seemed to want to test that theory out.

It was the following day, early in the morning. He'd attempted to dress Luke in a soft, white tunic and black pants, with Leia in an equally soft blue tunic and black pants. So far, neither of them seemed inclined to start stripping-at least not whenever he checked in on them.

So, he went back to his work. Namely, checking the pitiful amount of applicants for the nanny position. Apparently, his reputation for killing nannies had spread, and there were very few who wished to work for him. Yet another reason he regretted killing so many, he decided as he glared at the screen.

It was as he was contemplating his rotten luck that he felt it-the presence of his master.

Coming straight for his front door.

He looked up, and though his skin was already pale beneath the suit, he was sure his face whitened further.

He didn't even need to ask why the Emperor had bothered to visit him at his home. It was so rare these days for him to leave the palace or the senate. Never, in the last few years, had he bothered dropping by either his home on Coruscant or on Mustafar.

But now? Now he wanted to see what it was that was preventing Vader from leaving the planet to carry out his duties across the galaxy.

Or, rather, he was coming to confirm why.

Hurriedly, he stood, making sure his mental shields were strengthened as he stormed for the front door. The Emperor would not knock. What Vader owned, he owned...at least in his eyes. So, quickly, Vader dropped by the twin's bedroom and checked in on them.

Mercifully, they were still clothed and playing with the toy ships and stormtroopers he'd given them for their birthday.

"Do not remove your clothes." He warned, pointing a finger at them.

Both of them blinked at him, and he sent the warning through their Force bond. He didn't know what good it would do. They were still so young, and who knew how much they understood? He couldn't exactly express to them why it was imperative that they keep their clothes on while the _Emperor of the galaxy_ was visiting.

He just had to hope they'd understand at least until he could bore the Emperor enough to get him to leave.

As he predicted, the front door hissed open just as he reached it. In stepped the hooded, haunched figure of the Emperor. "Ah. Lord Vader. Just who I wanted to see."

_Obviously._ Vader wanted to say, but instead he knelt in front of the man. "I sensed your arrival, Master. How may I serve you?"

_Please tell me. Now. So you can leave._ Is what he wanted to say, but he kept that carefully shielded from him.

But the Emperor seemed to know he was in a hurry anyway, because he took his time taking in the condo at his leisure. "You keep your home clean, considering that you have two little ones running around. Probably with filthy fingers."

"They are well behaved." The answer was automatic, even if it was currently a lie.

"If they are so well behaved, then why have you not found yourself a new nanny? I need you out enforcing my will upon the galaxy, not babysitting."

Though on the surface the Emperor sounded like an old friend asking him about his troubles, he could detect the disdain hiding beneath his grandfatherly demeanor.

"It would seem it is less about my children's behavior and more about my reputation for," he paused, deciding how to word it, "how I choose to reward failure."

The Emperor scoffed, and finally made a gesture with his hand, allowing Vader to rise. "I will see if I can speed the process up."

He didn't love the idea of the Emperor having anything to do with his children, but he was smart enough not to protest. He'd have to find some way to undermine the order.

"I trust your work has…" The Emperor began, but another noise behind him had Vader tuning his master out.

The sound of bare feet pitter pattering across the room…

_Please don't be naked, please don't be naked, please don't be naked…_

He didn't dare turn around, even as the Emperor broke off, his golden eyes narrowing at wherever his children had disappeared to.

There was silence, only broken by the sound of his respirator.

"Lord Vader."

"Yes, Master?"

Oh Force. _Force._ This couldn't be happening.

"Did I just...see...two children running through your home... _naked?"_

It was happening.

He stood there, absolutely still, willing to be back on Mustafar, swallowed up by the lava so he wouldn't have to face what was currently happening, completely out of his control.

He didn't know what to say. The Emperor, a master of the Sith, was far less likely to be understanding about children than he ever was.

So he said the first thing that came to mind.

"No."

The Emperor raised a wrinkled, deformed brow. "Oh?" To Vader's horror, he realized that his Master felt his misery and was currently reveling in it. "So your children aren't currently streaking through your home?"

There went his reputation.

"No."

"I see." Oh yes, there was definitely dark pleasure in his master's voice. "Well. It would seem that Luke and Leia need a firm, guiding hand in their lives at the moment. Maybe you should take a few more days to work from home."

Translation: _This is what you get for taking them in. Suffer the tarnishing of your reputation. You brought this on yourself._

"That is most wise, my Master." He forced out.

"Good." The Emperor turned, ready to leave, but before he did, he glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, and Lord Vader?"

_Please just leave._ "Yes, my Master?"

A sinister smile revealed rotting teeth. "Do get your children under control. Before I am forced to step in myself."

And as Vader watched the man leave, only to listen to his children run through the house still naked...something in him broke.

His reputation was gone. Shredded. All that was left was him in his stupid life support suit and his two naked children running around the house.

"Who dat?" Luke asked from behind him.

Vader looked up at the ceiling, cursing the Force for it's decision to continue to torture him. "The Emperor." Then, he looked down at his son.

Still naked.

Luke frowned. "Daddy mad?"

Mad? He was beyond that. Well beyond it.

And yet...he didn't have the energy.

"I'm going to meditate." He announced. He didn't know if Luke understood it. Probably not. "Be nice to your sister."

As he walked away, a tiny voice in the back of his head whispered, _Doctor Rawley was right. This once, allow them to have their naked time._

He'd deal with their insubordination later. For now, he would retreat, gather his strength…

And ponder on how he'd gone from a feared apprentice of the Sith to an exhausted father with unclothed twins in less than a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Masterjinzu on Tumblr! Oh, this one was so much fun to write! Vader really needed to go to parenting classes or something.


	6. Flirting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Neshampoo!

This was not happening.

Sure, he'd always known in the back of his mind that this would one day happen to his children. They were, after all, human and if he was honest with himself, _his children._ But he was not prepared when Leia greeted him with "Luke's got a girlfriend!" when he got home.

He stopped stone cold, staring at her, not sure he'd heard her right. She had her arms crossed, a smug smile across her face, even as Luke rushed from his room shouting, " _I do not!"_

"You sure do!" she sang, then ducked when he attempted to tackle her, sending him barreling into the wall.

The entire time, he just stared, trying and failing to comprehend the full on bickering that had broken out between his barely turned fourteen year olds.

"She just said I was cute, that doesn't mean anything!" Even with the red lenses, he could tell his son was flushing. The son who could barely keep his room clean. The son who just last week asked him for money to buy some childish holo game. The son that was in no way mature enough to even _think_ about anyone romantically.

It was that thought that had him intervening before a full fight could break out. " _Sit. Down."_

He was never violent with his precious twins, but there were still definitely benefits to having a vococorder that made everything he said sound at best, mildly furious. It was even better when he actually was, and panicking on top of that.

Luke winced, hurrying to comply, while Leia smirked and casually followed him to the leather sofa in the sitting room. They sat on total opposite ends of the couch, and Luke glowered at his sister.

Childish. Immature. More proof that the boy wasn't ready for such a commitment.

And the heartbreak that would likely follow.

He began pacing. He'd already had a long day. Too many idiotic officers had needed to be silenced, and the Rebellion factions were beginning to work together. He had hoped to spend a quiet evening with his children, but no. One of them just had to be entertaining romantic _notions._

But one thing he learned in fourteen years of parenting: if he pounced immediately, he wouldn't get all of the answers he wanted.

"Who is she?" He'd need to find out everything he could on her and her family. They could be Rebel spies, or simply trying to gain favor and status by foolishly encouraging their offspring to seduce his son.

Or maybe she legitimately liked the boy. He had to admit, Luke was rather charming, on top of his natural good looks. Leia was too, but she had inherited more of his attitude.

"She's no one." Luke grumbled, still glaring at his sister.

"She's his girlfriend." Leia insisted.

"Who is she?" This time, he directed the question at Leia.

"Don't answer-" Luke began, but Leia quickly interrupted.

"Her name is Liliana Petri. She's in our chemistry class."

He stopped, making a face. His children couldn't see it of course, but they sensed his disgust, and Luke shrank into the couch cushions. Vader got the distinct impression he was wishing to be swallowed whole.

"I don't know that name." He mused. It was a problem if they were in chemistry class together. There were so many pick up lines that she could use on his son.

_Did we have class together? I could have sworn we had chemistry._

_Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element._

_Are you an exothermic reaction? Because you spread hotness everywhere._

And those were just the top lines he could think of. Considering Luke's innocence and charming personality, he'd probably encourage her to keep going.

"How long have you been dating?" The words burned his tongue and he wished nothing more than to hide both his children away so that no one could even think about dating them, but he had no doubt they'd escape anyway. Sometimes strict parenting methods backfired, and this was not something he wanted to screw up.

He _had_ to protect his children.

"We aren't dating!" Luke insisted, horrified. "She literally only said I was cute!"

"And what led up to this encounter?" Maybe he needed to send a guard with them to school. HE could think of a few highly trained assassins who could easily keep away unwanted attention from would-be seducers.

Luke scrambled to think. "I don't _know,_ she's just a girl dad-"

"Luke was staring at her all throughout class and she thought he was checking her out. Which he _was."_ Leia supplied helpfully.

He could always count on Leia to tell him what he needed to know. He'd have to double her allowance this month.

"I didn't mean to! She just happened to be in my line of sight, I was thinking about something else, I swear!" Luke's voice squeaked, yet again reminding Vader that his son was in the middle of puberty and not at all ready for this.

"Riiiight. What were you thinking about, then?" Leia wiggled her brows at him.

Again, Vader was certain Luke was flushing, and this time he got the distinct impression he was trying very hard to keep something from both of them. "Just...the Aurebesh assignment."

If Vader didn't have a bond with his son, he might have bought the answer. Luke's worst subject was Aurebesh and he often spent late nights stressing over work he'd put off until the last minute.

But he did have a bond, and that bond told him he was _lying._

He approached his son, using his sheer size and presence to hover over him. Again, he'd never dare harm one of his precious children, but that didn't mean he didn't use some intimidation tactics. This particular strategy usually worked on Luke, but never Leia.

"What were you thinking about so intently that you made a girl think you were…" he couldn't think of the appropriate word. " _Checking her out."_ He decided Leia's phrasing would have to do, as silly as it sounded.

As he predicted, Luke sank further into the cushions. "Um." he bit his lip.

Beside him, Leia gasped. "It's someone _else,_ isn't it?!"

Luke's face turned an even darker shade of red. " _No-"_

"Who is it?! Do I know them? _Does dad know them?!_ Oh, what about the Emperor, does _he know-"_

"Leia, shut up!" Luke definitely wanted to disappear.

And as much as he wanted to know the answer...he'd also learned that his children were not prisoners to be interrogated, and forcing answers from them also led to them making far worse decisions.

"Let me make myself clear." He interrupted before the bickering could continue. "Neither of you will be dating." _Ever,_ he added mentally, but that usually didn't go over well either. When his children rebelled against his wishes, they did so with all the drama that came naturally to a Skywalker. He was not anxious to see what they'd do to rebel against a _no dating ever_ rule.

But naturally, Leia picked up on it. "When are we allowed to date?"

_Never._ Again. That answer would not go over well, and again, he hadn't even been prepared for this situation.

"Twenty." He randomly picked a number.

"We'll be _ancient_ by then!" Leia whined. Though she'd been the one to throw Luke under the speeder, she seemed far more upset by that announcement than Luke was. He could practically feel his son's relief through their bond.

"Twenty is hardly ancient."

"Everyone will be married with kids by then!"

"I assure you, most will not be." In fact, it was still far too young in his opinion. Nevermind that he'd married their mother at nineteen.

He definitely wouldn't mention that.

"Sixteen." Leia countered, ever the negotiator like her mother. But this was not something he wished to negotiate.

"Twenty." Now he was hovering over her.

As usual, this tactic didn't work. Not on Leia. She stared up at him, her eyes narrowing, jaw tightening. "Seventeen."

" _Twenty."_

"Eighteen, and we'll bring them home for your approval."

He scoffed. He had no doubt they'd both do what they wanted anyway. He certainly had. He'd disregarded the entire Jedi Order by marrying their mother in secret.

And look how that turned out.

Still. The fact that she was even offering was better than nothing. With any luck, both of them would be too busy by then to even remember this conversation, let alone worry about dating.

"Fine." He stepped back, and ignored the triumphant _hmph_ noise Leia made. He pointed at Luke, who tensed right back up. "You will tell this _Liliana Petri_ that you are not interested, and to stop with her foolish notions."

Again, Luke stared at him in horror. "Or I could just pretend it never happened!"

"No. You need to be straight forward. You do not want to lead her on."

"That's so _embarrassing-"_

"Not as embarrassing as me showing up to her home to tell her personally." He was far too busy for that, but the look on Luke's face was enough to know the point had been made. "You will tell her. I will know if you didn't."

Luke stood, and now he was glaring at _him._ "Fine! Force, you're so annoying!"

He ignored the childish outburst. "You will thank me later."

Luke made a rather undignified growl and stormed out. Vader considered following after him...but no. He had no doubt Luke understood what he was to do perfectly.

"Do not get into any further arguments with your brother." Vader pointed at Leia now, who was still smirking smugly on the couch. "I have no desire to deal with any further foolish arguments."

Leia shrugged and stood. "I'll see what I can do."

"Leia…" He warned.

" _Fine._ I'll leave Luke alone to brood the rest of the night."

He shook his head, watching as she too left the room. He stood there long after she'd disappeared from sight, probing both of their presences to ensure they were, in fact, leaving one another alone.

For once, they listened.

He let out a breath, trying to push down the annoyance. _Teenagers._

He'd never admit that at once upon a time, he'd been in their very shoes. And though he hated the thought, he couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever driven Obi-Wan up a wall with teenage hormones.

_No,_ he thought fervently, heading into his own quarters. _Definitely not._


	7. Childhood Injuries

It happened on an early afternoon in the middle of summer vacation.

Vader had just finished a meeting with Grand Moff Randd and was escorting him back to his personal hangar where his ship awaited.

"We're headed towards a standoff with the Rebels," Randd was explaining as they entered the hangar.

"A standoff I expect you to _break,_ " Vader warned, stopping and pointing at him. "If I have to go out there myself, even your position will not save you from my wrath."

Behind him, he sensed the bright presence of his son dashing into the hangar, making a beeline for him. He grimaced, hoping the boy would go somewhere else, and cursing for about the millionth time that schools had such a thing as _summer vacation._ It left his children with little to do except disrupt him at the worst possible times.

He would not give Luke the satisfaction of acknowledging him. He needed to learn that there was a time and place. He was eight-it was time he acted his age.

"We're committing a fair portion of the fleet-" Randd broke off, blinking down at Luke as he arrived and began _tugging_ on Vader's cape.

Disbelief and _rage_ shot through him. What did Luke think he was doing?! How many times had he told him not to interrupt him while he was busy?!

He shot a brief glare at him over his shoulder. "I am busy. Go find your sister." Then he turned back to Randd.

"If...now isn't a good time, Lord Vader…" Randd began, but Vader held up a hand.

"My son needs to learn to mind his manners and _wait his turn."_ He shot another look at Luke. He hadn't moved, and was staring up at him with wide eyes.

_Children._

"Ahem. Well, in that case…" He continued to ramble on about planned ship movements in the sector and Vader attempted to listen, but Luke's bright presence was ever there and _waiting,_ insistent that he needed to talk to him.

At least he wasn't verbally trying to interrupt, like usual. Maybe he'd learned something.

"Be careful that you do not put all of your resources in one battle. The Rebels are hoping you'll do just that in order to take them out at once. I would suggest splitting your resources to arrive in stages to slowly overwhelm the Rebellion." Vader replied when Randd was done speaking.

"Wise advice, Lord Vader. I will do so at once."

He had to admit, out of all of the Grand Moffs, Randd was one of the least annoying.

"Very good. I look forward to the results."

He waited until Randd had turned to leave before turning around to address his son, who was now shifting from foot to foot, his face pale. He did not fail to notice Leia peaking out into the hangar, watching them from a distance.

He crossed his arms. That did not bode well. What _else_ had they broken in their residence? If he had to guess, Leia likely broke something, and Luke was coming to tattle.

Force, he wished he hadn't approved Miss Laena's vacation. He didn't realize how wild children were.

"I have told you repeatedly to wait until I am finished with business before interrupting me! I may be your father, but I am also running an Empire. One day you will understand just how busy that makes me!" Luke still continued to stare at him, his eyes pleading. Inwardly, Vader sighed. " _Fine._ What do you want?"

Unexpectedly, Luke's eyes filled with tears. Then he simply opened his mouth…

And _blood_ poured out of it and onto the permacrete floor.

Vader moved before he even consciously realized what was happening. One moment Luke was standing there, the next he was scooped into his arms, and he was _running_ towards his fastest speeder.

Running. He never ran. But the sheer terror at the blood still coming out of Luke's mouth and not knowing _why…_

Was he dying?! Why didn't he _say_ something sooner?! What the hell had even happened?! What kind of conditions even _caused_ this?!

He didn't know, he didn't care. His one singular focus was to get Luke to a doctor immediately.

"Leia!" he bellowed, getting Luke into the front seat. Luke was still much too young to be in the front seat, but he _couldn't take his eyes off him for a second- "_ Get in the speeder, now!"

Thankfully, she did not dawdle. She was climbing into the back seat before Vader had even finished buckling in Luke, whose mouth was still open and bleeding profusely down his chin.

"Is Luke going to die?" Leia asked, and Vader barely noticed the concern in her little voice.

" _Do not suggest such things!"_ He yanked his cape off, threw it on Luke, and then shoved one end of it into his mouth. "Hold that there!"

He jumped into the pilots seat, turning the speeder on with the Force, and rocketed out of the hangar.

"What the _hell_ happened?!" He demanded. He still kept his eyes firmly on Luke, using the Force to assist him in steering the right way towards the nearest hospital.

"Well…" Leia began, "Promise not to be mad, daddy…"

"I am _beyond that point!"_

Holy Force, his _son was going to die and he'd just let him stand there waiting…_

"W-well, Luke and I were hover skating…"

"In the _apartment?!"_

"Sowwy waw-" Luke began, his mouth full of blood and cape.

"Do _not speak!"_ Vader pointed at him. "Leia, _what happened?!"_

"I...Luke had...well you see, he had…" He could sense her squirming in her seat, and by the Force he was about to start screaming himself if she didn't just _spit it out…_

"Swick." Luke said.

Vader...had no idea what that was.

"He had a stick in his mouth." Leia clarified in a terrified whisper. "He tripped and...yeah."

Vader simply stared at his son, even as he swerved out of the hyperlane and into the hospital lot.

A stick.

"... _Why?!"_

He couldn't even form the words to express how insane that was. What had even possessed Luke to put a stick in his mouth in the first place?! What logical thought…

But children were not logical. And now his son was _bleeding everywhere_ and he didn't know how serious the damage was…

He slammed the speeder to a stop in front of the emergency center, scooped Luke up, and stormed for the doors. Thankfully, Leia at least had the sense to get out of the car and follow.

The doors were automatic, but he used the Force to blow them down anyway. The glass landed on the floor with a crash, and multiple people screamed. He paid them no mind, heading straight for the doors leading towards patient rooms. "Get me a doctor, _NOW!"_ He bellowed at the terrified nurses behind the counter.

They didn't dare stop him as he ripped the patient area doors open. Multiple doctors were already racing towards him, a gurney between them. As Vader lowered Luke onto it, he felt his son begin to panic, reaching for him both physically and through the Force.

"I am going with him." Vader snarled, then as Leia bumped into his legs, he clarified, " _We_ are going with him."

These doctors were not stupid enough to deny him. "Of course, Lord Vader. Right this way."

* * *

Vader grilled the doctors multiple times after they came back with their findings, just in case. He couldn't lose his son, especially over something so incredibly stupid. According to the doctors, the stick had apparently poked through a tonsil, but was small enough that it would heal on its own.

"Mouth injuries tend to be bloodier than others." The doctors assured him repeatedly, "This is actually more common than you'd think."

Vader could hardly believe it. Putting sticks in mouths was _common?!_

Had he been this reckless as a child?!

Well. Yes. But he'd never thought to put objects that could cause serious damage in his _mouth._

"So Luke's not going to die?" Leia asked.

"No." He was _relieved_ to say that, but… "You will be removing _any_ similar objects from the apartment when we get home. Do you understand me?!"

Leia flushed, ducking her head shamefully. "Yes, daddy."

"And you are grounded from hover skates for the rest of the summer!" He pointed at her.

Leia looked up at that, her face twisting angrily...but then she caught sight of Luke on the hospital bed with cotton stuffed into his mouth, still clutching his father's now bloodied cape. She sighed, looking down again. "Yes daddy."

He dropped his hand. Well. At least he wouldn't have to worry about the skates.

But that left Luke. He turned, approaching the bed and sitting beside his son. He was staring up at the holovid in the corner of the room. The only sign of his anxiousness was his hands fisted in his cape.

"Luke."

His son tore his eyes away from the holovid to look at him. With cotton in his mouth, it wasn't likely that he could speak much.

Good. That meant he wouldn't be interrupted.

"I cannot believe I have to say this, but you are _not_ to put foreign objects in your mouth, _especially sticks._ " He paused. " _Why_ did you even do that?"

Infuriatingly, his son just shrugged.

He closed his eyes, and counted backwards from ten. Why? _Why?_ Why were children so illogical?

"I don't tell you these things to be unfair," Vader explained through gritted teeth. "I give you rules because I want you to be _safe."_ He hesitated, checking to make sure no one but Luke and Leia were in hearing distance. They were alone in the room, and it was apparent that the doctors had decided to make themselves scarce to avoid more interrogation from him. "I was _scared_ today. I don't ever want to see you injured like this again."

Instantly, he felt Luke's shame in the Force. Despite the cotton balls in his mouth, he tried to say, "wowwy," which Vader assumed was an apology.

"Do not do it again." He warned.

Luke nodded, and before Vader could stop him (they were in _public,_ after all) Luke threw his arms around him and hugged him.

He tensed, immediately checking for nearby doctors...and relaxed when they were still well away from the room. He wrapped one arm around his son, bringing him closer, while his other arm reached for Leia. She didn't need to be asked-she too came, hugging him from the other side.

He held his children and closed his eyes, savoring the moment.

His children would be the death of him. He was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by MFM minisode #118, though I had this EXACT same thing happen to me as a kid too. Except I didn't tell my parents. Oops. Who knew it was common? Kids are crazy, and Vader is not equipped to handle them. LOL!  
> *Edit: I got so many comments from concerned mothers on Tumblr/FFN about me not telling my parents and I finally told my mom. I was like "hey 20 years ago this happened to me" and she was bewildered and horrified at the same time. I really don't know why I didn't tell them. I was a weird kid? Let's go with that.


	8. The School Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For slx99, who inspired me to write this little Dad Vader piece! I also have no idea if walrus' exist in the Star Wars universe, but THEY DO NOW!  
> Love,  
> LadyVader23

Vader stared in horror at the announcement slip his children had brought home from preschool.

Apparently, the children would be putting on a play-or, rather, a presentation, if the description was anything to go by. The school had the children research a topic, and the children would be putting on a dramatic retelling of what they'd learned. It actually sounded terribly boring, but he'd read in that parenting book the children's pediatrician had given him that supporting their interests, including school activities, helped foster confidence in children. An important quality in the two most important children in the galaxy, even if his presence would terrify everyone else in the room.

The problem wasn't the boring play. It was what his son was signed up to be.

A walrus.

A _walrus._

Leia had a stormtrooper, which was normal enough. But Luke had a _walrus?_ How in the galaxy had he even had the misfortune of getting such an unfortunate aquatic creature?!

He looked up at Miss Laena, who'd handed him the announcement slip in the first place. "My son will _not_ play a walrus in front of a crowd of people!"

The school the children went to was full of senator's children, as well as other important Imperial figures, such as Grand Moffs, generals, and the like. Vader doubted most of those important figures would actually be at the play; most likely, their partners or nannies would go. But it did not matter. Word would spread fast that the son of Darth Vader had played a _walrus._

"Luke is very excited about the play, my lord." Miss Laena said carefully. "It's all he's been talking about for weeks, now. I even helped him make the costume."

His stomach dropped. "There's a _costume?"_

It just got worse and worse.

"Yes, my lord. I might be able to pull together another one in time, but it will break his heart."

Vader gritted his teeth. If this was any other assignment, he'd tell the boy to deal with whatever he chose for him, but he also didn't need him crying on stage in front of everyone because he was unhappy.

He would need to convince him.

"Summon my son. I will speak with him."

Miss Laena hurried to do so, and soon the tiny form of his son came running into his office, immediately climbing (uninvited) into his lap. Vader had no change to stop him before his little arms wrapped around his neck with a hug.

Despite the dire situation, he couldn't help but melt a little under the embrace.

"Hi daddy!" Luke said, pulling away after a moment, settling in comfortably on his leg. "Am I in trouble?"

Perhaps that was the reason for the immediate hug. He would need to discourage such behavior in the future.

"No, my son." He reached up and ruffled his hair. "I just wanted to know why you were assigned to be a walrus in this play."

Luke brightened. "Oh! I'm going to be a walrus, daddy!"

"Yes, but _why?"_ Perhaps he hadn't understood the phrasing of his first question. He struggled to speak on a level the twins would understand, at times.

"Because I like them."

Vader winced. That would make it harder to convince him to change topics.

"But why?"

Luke shrugged. "They look funny."

And that was precisely why he didn't want him to play a walrus in the first place. "Why don't I help you choose something diff-" he cut off as Luke's expression immediately began to fall, his eyes watering.

"No, daddy, I wanna be a walrus!"

Damn.

Already, just from his presence alone, Vader could tell it would be far more of a fight to force him to choose something else than to just do the walrus.

"...I will need to have a word with the school. But fine."

Immediately the tears were gone, and Luke threw his arms around him again before climbing off and running to find his sister. Vader watched after him, wondering how his children had so thoroughly wrapped him around their fingers, before he pulled up his datapad to send a message to the school principal to order that no footage be allowed at the play.

If Luke insisted, he could at least make sure the incident was nothing more than a strange, unconfirmed rumor.

* * *

The night of the play, he'd debated on pretending his schedule was too full to attend. That way, perhaps no one would notice that the son of Darth Vader was dressed as a walrus. It wasn't like he didn't have plenty of things to do instead anyway, but every time he thought about not showing up, the imagined disappointment in his children's faces when they returned home was enough to guilt him into keeping the time reserved for the play.

That didn't mean he didn't show up at the last possible second before they closed the doors for the performance.

Naturally, the moment he walked in, a hush fell over the crowd of nannies and parents. He made a face when he recognized a few important officials there who were also apparently trying to be good parents despite their schedules. Normally he could respect that, but today of all days, he wished they'd remained at work.

The principal, a short, portly man, came rushing over not long after he'd found a corner to stand in. "I have issued a strict no recording policy as you wished, Lord Vader."

"Good." Vader crossed his arms, looking over his head to the curtained stage. "Because if there is any recording of my children distributed, I will personally pay you a _visit."_

The man paled, gulped, and nodded. "Understood, my lord." Then he turned and rushed off.

Moments later, the lights dimmed, and an announcement was made over a microphone to remind everyone of the very fact that no recording was allowed. He half expected them to use him as an excuse, but they mentioned nothing of the rule being a direct order from him.

Hm. He might have mentioned it just to make sure, but if he had to dispose of the principal, he would not lose sleep over it. His children barely knew the man and wouldn't notice if he disappeared. Perhaps he'd do it anyway just for the fact that someone in his staff showed the boy a picture of the infernal animal in the first place.

Once the announcement was made, the "play" began. Sure enough, it was less of a play and more of various small children of different species in costumes reciting facts about whatever they'd researched for the parents. This was followed up by polite clapping, which he did not participate in. They were not his children, after all. He did not care, and he thought most of them were terribly boring anyway.

He was also certain that none of these children had actually done their own research. What a complete waste of time and resources.

But then came Leia. Somehow, Miss Laena had managed to help her construct an almost perfect replica of a stormtrooper armor set, fit perfectly to her petite size. The only thing that he could tell was real was the helmet, which she carried in her arms as more of a prop than anything else.

When she walked onto the stage...as he suspected she would, she immediately acted as though the entire room was there for her. She squared her shoulders, looking over the audience with as high and mighty of a look that an almost five year old could muster.

"Stormtroopers are soldiers who help protect the Empire." She spoke clearly into the microphone. It was...well, as natural as a four year old could get, and a pang went through his chest at the thought of her suddenly looking very much like a mini version of her mother. "They serve over the whole Empire. They can be foot soldiers, or fly TIE fighters, like my daddy does."

He wondered if that was something she was supposed to say, or if she said it just because she was proud of what he did for a living. Not that she knew the full extent of that, but...he offered a rare, unseen smile nonetheless.

"This is a real stormtrooper helmet. My friend let me use it tonight." Friend? What friend? "Stormtroopers are not like clone troopers. They're normal people like you and me."

He refrained from snorting at that. In his opinion, Clone Troops were far superior, but the Emperor did not seem to care for that opinion.

"There's also lots of types of stormtroopers. You can tell what they are because of their uniform. In conclusion, stormtroopers are pretty cool and I like them. They keep us safe, and are friends to all."

That...didn't really make sense. But she was four, and again, probably had her lines written by someone else. Still, when she finished and did a little curtsy, he clapped proudly for the first time the entire show, then watched as she practically skipped off stage.

Then...it was Luke's turn.

It was an _experience_ to have one child give a basic but Imperial pride-supporting speech, then directly afterwards have another child walk out wearing a walrus costume to talk about an animal he'd never even personally seen before. He was sure that anyone who knew Luke was his son probably had a _lot_ of questions he'd never answer right about now.

But there Luke was, walking out wearing a well made, but monstrosity of a costume. He wore a dark gray, long-sleeved tunic that reached his knees, except that the sleeves ended well past where he knew Luke's hands to be, and the end was in the shape of walrus flippers. A tail flopped around with each step Luke took, and his head was almost completely engulfed by a walrus-face hood. The face opening was framed by two giant tusks, what he supposed were whiskers, and at the top of the hood, giant eyes that Vader could swear were staring into his soul.

And underneath, Luke had obviously painted his face. Probably the same color as the tunic.

Half of Vader wanted to have the ground open up and swallow him whole. The other half was admittedly impressed with the lengths his son had put his nanny up to in making this costume. He was also dead certain that if Luke looked back on this costume as an adult, he'd be embarrassed beyond all reason.

"Walruses are water animals who live on water worlds like Mon Cala." Luke began, just as confidently as Leia. It was also obvious he was _very proud_ of the whole thing; he was bouncing a bit in excitement, causing the tail to flop around constantly. Nearby, Vader heard a few parents coo adoringly at the display.

He wondered if it would be noticeable if he used the Force to hold his son in place.

"They can dive deep in the water, but they like to stay near land. They are really, really fat. Also, both the girls and the boy walruses have tusks, like this!" He reached up and tugged on the tusks, earning chuckles from the crowd.

Well. Both of his children definitely liked to use visual aids. It was interesting to know, at least.

"They also live for a super long time. Forty years!" Luke lifted his flipper-hands up in excitement. "They also can live in the cold because they're fat. They like to eat fish. And they make these really funny noises, like-" then Luke proceeded to _demonstrate,_ and more laughter erupted around the room.

As well as Luke was doing, Vader couldn't help but curse whoever had even shown the cursed animal to his son. He would definitely be finding a _replacement_ for the principal after he was through with him.

What had he done to encourage such a fascination with the animal? He was from the desert, so this had to be something from his mother's side of the family, he was sure of it.

But Luke seemed pleased by the audience's reaction. He himself would have to ensure this incident never left this room, but at least his son was happy.

"So yeah, I like walruses. They're funny looking, and that's why I chose to tell you about them." Then, with that said, Luke made a bow, and the audience erupted in far more clapping than had been heard the entire night. Luke straightened, grinned, then ran off stage, his tail and flippers flapping wildly behind him.

Well. It was certainly the most interesting part of the night, he thought as he clapped for his son. And despite being a walrus, his son was perfect. Just...had some odd interests that he sincerely hoped he grew out of.

When the show ended, Vader waited uncomfortably by the doors for his children. Plenty of parents and their costumed kids walked by, all giving him a wide berth. He ignored them all, scanning the crowd for his children. He could sense them coming, but for whatever reason, they kept stopping.

Finally, he saw the small figures of Luke and Leia pushing their way through their crowd, beaming smiles on their faces when they saw him.

"Daddy!" Leia crowed, and he quickly reached out to place his hands on their shoulders before they could try to hug him. He had grown used to their hugs in private, but they were still learning that it was not permitted in public. "Did you like my play?"

"You did well." He confirmed, patting her head, which caused her to make a face and pull away.

"Don't mess up my hair." She muttered.

Luke had pulled the hood down and his painted face looked up at him. "What about mine, daddy? Lots of people told me they liked it." He paused, frowning. "Did you?"

Vader paused, deciding how to phrase it. He did not like that he was parading around in a ridiculous walrus costume, but the whole point of him coming to this ridiculous excuse for a play was to support his children and build their confidence. He could not ruin it by telling his son that he hated the animal he was portraying. "You played your performance well, my son. I am proud of you both."

Yes. That seemed safe. And to his satisfaction, the twins beamed up at him. But the moment was ruined when Luke asked, "Can we go to Mon Cala to see the walruses?"

"Yeah! Let's go, daddy!" Leia added.

He paused for a few breaths of the respirator. "Mon Cala...is not safe for humans."

Luke frowned. "But my friend said he went, and-"

"Why don't I take you to a zoo, instead?" Then maybe Luke would see a different, less embarrassing animal to portray next time. Or maybe he'd lose interest in animals completely.

Luke considered for a moment, then nodded. "Okay daddy." He paused. "Can I be a walrus for Trick Or Treat?"

Again, he paused, trying to come up with an answer that would not hurt his son's feelings. "Why don't you wait until after we go to the zoo?"

Luke also seemed to accept this answer, and Vader took his children's hands in his own, and led them from the theater.

Vader made sure to give pointed glares at anyone who dared look their way.


	9. Darth Vader's Unplanned Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to KittandChips for the prompt! The prompt was: How would Vader handle the twins thinking one of them was unplanned and therefore unwanted? Such delicious angst and fluff put this immediately on the list to write!   
> Enjoy! <3

It was so rare that Vader arrived home before the twins did. But today, he’d managed to sneak away early, and he was home, having just dismissed Miss Laena for the day, waiting for his children’s arrival. He was not a traditional father, by any means, but he still enjoyed family time with his young ones. He didn’t know what they’d do; perhaps he’d take them on a ride in one of his newest ships. Luke would love that, and Leia might even, too, though she wasn’t usually as vocal about it. 

Then again, it was a school night. If he was being a good father, he’d sit with them and help with their homework. 

The possibilities were endless. He just hoped his Master continued to leave him alone for the evening. 

He sensed the twins arriving long before they even arrived on property. Their chauffeur would arrive in the hangar soon, drop them off, and they’d be heading up. He’d surprise them in the hallway, he decided, moving into position. He doubted he’d really surprise them; even untrained, Luke and Leia had a habit of being able to at least know when he was home. 

He continued to keep tabs on them until they were in the lift heading for the apartment. He tried to make himself less intimidating, not wishing them to think they were in trouble, and he’d managed what he assumed was a comfortable pose by the time the lift doors opened and in walked Luke and Leia. 

They immediately paused, looking at him with...admittedly, odd looks. Then, to his confusion, Leia glared, throwing her bag aside. He was about to remind her to put it away in the designated spot when she stormed up to him and crossed her arms. “So. Which one of us did you not want?!” 

Vader blinked down at his little girl, just seven years old, completely surprised by the accusation. Then, he looked up at Luke, reaching out through their bond to try to get more information, only to be flooded with feelings of hurt and sadness. Luke, at least, tried to hide it as he put his bag away in the appropriate cubby. 

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” He replied, finally, looking back at his daughter. “Explain.” 

But Leia huffed, and instead of explaining anything, stormed around him and off towards her room. “Fine! Don’t answer, then!” 

And before he had a chance to react, she’d entered her room, the door swishing closed behind her. 

Vader stared after her, even more confused than before, and turned back to Luke. “Explain.” he demanded. Usually his son was more willing to offer more information--or at least, he was easier to coerce. 

But Luke didn’t reply with anything but a shrug. “Nothing. Just girl stuff, I guess.” 

“Do not lie to me!” He snapped, instantly sensing the lie. “You may not be yelling at me, but I know I have apparently done something to upset the both of you. Now  _ explain.”  _

He expected Luke to cave, especially as he pressed along their bond...but Luke shook his head, and he too, walked past him. “I don’t want to know.” Was all he mumbled. 

It was a good thing Vader didn’t have any hair left. He might have started pulling it out. He’d learned long ago that bullying his children into answering him like they were some kind of rebel wasn’t the answer, nor was using the Force on them. Parenting books didn’t exactly say using the Force on children was bad, but based on their guidelines, he’d made the assumption himself. 

Still. It was too bad, especially as Luke too, shut himself in his room. 

Vader stood glaring at the doors, wondering how the fun night he’d had planned for them had turned so randomly...angsty. He tried to wrack his brain for anything he might have done to make Leia think he didn’t want one of them. Nothing came to mind--as far as he was concerned, he’d shown far more affection to them than he had anyone else. In fact, using a rare free evening to want to spend time with them was proof enough that he more than wanted both of his children. But children weren’t logical beings; there was plenty of evidence of that. 

He squared his shoulders, deciding which twin to face. Usually the answer was Luke...but this time, the Force seemed to pull him in the direction of Leia’s room. 

Leia it was, then. 

Yet he paused before entering, taking a moment to make sure he was as calm as a Sith Lord could be. Leia, as much as he cared for her, had a talent for making him angry in the blink of an eye. That never ended well when he was attempting to get something out of her, be it information or cooperation on her chores. As soon as he felt like he could handle anything she would throw at him, he entered the room. 

Surprisingly, the room was dark. She hadn’t bothered turning on the lights. He didn’t need infrared sensors in his eye plates to know she was stretched out face-first on her bed, head buried in her pillow. He could very clearly sense that himself, and the emotion coming from her was no longer anger, but...intense sadness. 

Again he tried to think of anything he might have done or said and honestly could think of nothing. So, tentatively, careful of the toys left on the floor, he made his way over to her bed. Though he usually preferred to stand, he winced as he sat down on the small child-size bed, his joints groaning in pain. 

Something else he’d noticed since becoming a father: children liked it when you got down on their level to talk to them. He rarely did it, but this seemed like the appropriate moment for it, though he still didn’t know why. 

“Leia.” 

He wished his vococorder allowed for him to speak gently to her. 

She didn’t stir. The only response was a muffled, “Go away.” 

“I will not. Not until you tell me what is wrong.” Silence. Wishing he could sigh, he looked up at the ceiling, trying to maintain control of his impatience. “I cannot help unless you tell me what the problem is.” 

Suddenly Leia sat upright, whirling to face him, and he was startled to find tears running down her face as she shouted, “I know you only wanted one of us, okay!” 

That statement did nothing to clear up Vader’s confusion, but her tears...Force, he  _ hated  _ it when she cried. He was reduced to feeling helpless, like anything he did would just make it worse. He doubted she knew the effect her tears had on him, and he hoped she never figured it out or he was doomed. 

Hell, he hoped the  _ Emperor  _ never figured it out. 

“I do not understand what you mean by that. You...can you explain?” 

It was so rare that he asked for information instead of demanded it. It seemed to be the right choice of words, however, because though she glared and looked away from him, she elaborated. 

“Kenny asked which one of us you didn’t want because mommy’s and daddy’s only plan for one baby.” 

Vader frowned, still trying to figure out the logic, then when he did, hot fury flashed through him, fury that he had to clamp down on to keep from scaring his daughter, or worse, giving her the wrong impression. 

“Kenny  _ who?!”  _

“Kenny Albrecht.” Leia replied glumly. “Is it Luke? He likes more of the same stuff you do.” 

He...had murdered children before, but he was far less likely to do so now that he had his own. As soon as he was done fixing this mess, he’d definitely be giving Kenny’s parents a surprise call. The thought of their faces when they realized who was calling was almost enough to cheer him up. 

Almost. 

“Come.” He stood, again wincing at the strain on his joints the movement caused. “It would appear this is a conversation for the both of you.” 

He expected Leia to resist, but she thankfully followed, her head hung as if she were somehow in trouble. He did not miss her sniffles, and each one was like a knife to his chest. 

Yes. He would definitely make sure Kenny Albrecht knew never to bother his children  _ again.  _

They entered Luke’s room. Luke, at least, had turned on the light, and he was building a toy ship model, though not very enthusiastically. He looked up when they entered, and Vader felt the normally cheery attitude of his son plummet further. 

Vader crossed over to the bed and again sat down, facing both of them. “Come here.” He pointed at the spot in front of him. They were so small, even sitting down he towered over them. 

They thankfully complied, though Luke shot Leia a look. “I don’t want to--” 

“You will listen carefully. Both of you. Am I clear?” He waited until they nodded, though Luke did so reluctantly. To even  _ think  _ his children had been so affected by stupid Kenny who was far beneath them--

“It is true that your...your mother and I did not know we were expecting twins.” He didn’t want to talk about Padme, not ever, but he found his children forced the subject more often than not. He would never get used to the pain it caused him, but if it helped them… “We...wanted to be surprised when you were born. I did not know…” he hadn’t yet told them the circumstances surrounding their birth and how he’d almost lost them. He wasn’t about to tell them now. “I did not know until you were born. But not for  _ one moment  _ did I ever consider not wanting either of you. In fact, the moment I laid eyes on both of you, I knew you were meant to be  _ mine.”  _

He couldn’t help the fierce possessiveness in his voice. They were  _ his.  _ How dare anyone suggest he’d ever want otherwise?! 

“While our interests may be different, you and I do share many similarities in our personalities.” He told Leia specifically. “I do not need nor want you to like everything I like. You are perfect the way you are.” 

Leia’s lower lip trembled, but she nodded and he sensed her calming down. 

“You do not need to know who it was I didn’t want because there is no such thing. I want and  _ need  _ both of you.” He told Luke. Luke let out a breath, his shoulders slumping in relief. 

“This Kenny Albrecht is an idiot...and  _ yes,  _ I know that is not a nice word, but it is true!” He had to be careful what language he use around the twins because otherwise they’d use it at school and he’d get phone calls from their teacher. It was stupid, and he doubted the teacher liked calling him, but there must have been some rule at the school requiring it. 

Carefully, he opened up his bond with both of them so they could feel his sincerity and the genuine fatherly affection he had for both of them. He paused, marveling at how bright and innocent they were as they clumsily probed the emotions he allowed them to see. It was clear they didn’t understand all of them, being so young, so he bit back his pride, and said, “There is nothing and no one else in this galaxy that I love more than the two of you. Do not  _ ever  _ let anyone make you forget that.” 

He very rarely ever said the “L” word. It was not in the nature of the Sith to do so. If the Emperor ever found out, there would be trouble. But when there were important moments when he needed his children to understand the severity of what he was saying, he would say what was necessary. 

Tonight, it was necessary. 

Immediately, the twins launched themselves into his arms, and he held them close as they grasped onto him for dear life, as if they had genuinely been afraid that somehow Kenny’s idiotic comment would make him remember he didn’t want one of them and give them away. The thought made him clench his teeth, and absently he ruffled both of their hair to calm himself down. 

“Now. I am home early. I wished to do something fun with the both of you.” 

Luke perked up, looking hopeful. “Like fly?” 

He couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, son. Like fly. Maybe we can pick up some treats on the way home.” 

The thought of him walking into a treat shop with his wide-eyed children was a bit ridiculous, but if it meant making his children forget about Kenny and his stupidity, he’d make it happen. 

“Okay!” Leia grinned. “I want Jogan ice cream!” 

“It will be done.” He stood. “Now go and get ready. I have a  _ call  _ to make.” 


	10. Darth Vader, Master Hairstylist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Scuddington's wonderful art here: https://scuddington.tumblr.com/post/627524462890319872/i-think-it-is-time-for-a-disgustingly-sweet-father  
> Thanks for the inspiration Scud!!!

The first time Vader learned how important hair was to little children was the day Miss Laena took PTO in the morning for an important doctors appointment. 

He figured he had this. It was just one morning. No big deal. The only difference was that this morning, he’d be the one getting the kids ready for school. That wasn’t hard. He was Darth Vader, Sith, destroyer of Jedi and Rebels alike, Commander of the Imperial Navy! He could handle school. 

He scheduled his own meetings around the conflict, he’d warned the twins repeatedly that he needed them to cooperate, he’d made sure the night before that all was prepared. Bags, lunches, homework. 

Too easy. Maybe he’d reconsider Miss Laena’s salary. 

And the morning did begin smoothly. Until Leia came running to him with a brush in her hand. 

“I gotta be pretty daddy!” She shoved the brush towards him. “Do my hair!” 

Vader froze. He...knew nothing about hair. He knew his  _ wife  _ had been excellent at it. When had she begun to be interested in how she did her hair? He tried to think back, but he couldn’t remember a single time he’d seen her in public without perfectly styled tresses. 

“You are a child. You do not need me to do your hair. Just brush it.” 

That of course, offended Leia. She pouted and glared. “I’m a  _ big girl  _ daddy, and big girls have pretty hair!” 

She literally forced the brush into his hand. 

Well. He’d mastered the Force. How hard could hair be? 

Famous last words. 

First, he was apparently  _ not gentle enough.  _ He tried to comb the tangles that she’d acquired overnight, and each time he did she began screaming “OW!” and crying. Horrified, he decided to instead  _ hide  _ the tangles and figure them out later. He pulled her hair into what resembled a ponytail and stepped back. “There. Now you will be late for school. Let us leave.” 

The hair wasn’t...exactly like it should be. It was crooked, and he wasn’t sure it was tight enough to stay in, but he didn’t want to hurt her further. And he was pretty sure she didn’t want him to try again, because she didn’t argue. 

He forgot about the incident shortly after the kids were dropped off. Miss Laena came back shortly before the end of school. He was in their home’s personal conference room, doing assignments from home, when he heard the front door open and the telltale sound of children running through the home. 

_ Miss Laena will take care of it.  _ He thought, focusing back on his work…

Until he realized Leia was crying. 

He hated it when she cried. Luke, he could deal with. But Leia? Absolutely not. 

Shoving the datapad aside, he went to investigate. 

“I’m  _ ugly!”  _ She was wailing when he entered the kitchen. Mis Laena was trying to comb Leia’s hair and having a hard time with it. “I’m ugly!!!” 

“Who told you a ridiculous lie like that?!” Vader thundered. Leia was the image of his beloved wife. Both of them were more beautiful than all the stars of the galaxy. 

But to his surprise, Leia wailed harder. “Everyone! My hair was ugly!!!” 

“Your hair does not reflect how beautiful you are. Hair changes daily.” 

Miss Laena winced. “Lord Vader...many children want to feel pretty when they go see their friends at school.” 

“Leia is beautiful already. I do not see what the problem is.” 

“...She is beautiful, but she may not feel that way when she doesn’t like her hair...and other kids might say something if it looks...different.” 

“She is  _ five.”  _

“Even five year olds want to feel pretty.” 

Vader thought it was silly. Leia could have no hair and he’d find her just as perfect as she was with it. But judging on Leia’s reaction, she very much cared about how her hair looked. 

It was something her mother should have done. Had she lived, he had no doubt Leia would never have a bad day...or even  _ Luke  _ for that matter (sometimes that boy needed to run a comb through his hair, if Vader was being honest with himself). 

But Padme...was not there. And it was his fault for that. 

So it was up to him to fix it. 

First, he ordered practice manikin heads, the kind hairdressers used to practice. Then, he found online tutorials on the holonet. He watched them carefully, paying close attention to the stylists finger and brush movements. It was not unlike studying lightsaber technique. Both had a certain art to it. 

He just needed to master it. 

The first  _ many  _ attempts didn’t work as planned. Part of it was due to his cybernetics. They were...not made for the delicacy it took to style hair. The first few manikin heads ended up either with hair ripped out, or he’d grow so frustrated when he couldn’t get a braid right, that he’d throw the manakin off the balcony, where it fell into the lower levels of Coruscant below. 

But he was determined. He would  _ not  _ fail in this task. He would  _ not  _ be so reliant on Miss Laena that he would ruin his daughter's day again like that. 

He would be the master hairstylist. 

It took months (and countless manikin heads) to get things to where he felt he could confidently and safely try working on Leia’s hair. 

One morning, before school, he interrupted Miss Laena as she was about to help Leia get ready for school. “I have no need of your services when it comes to Leia.” He informed her confidently. “I will handle it from here.” 

He did not miss the concern that flashed through the other woman, but she wisely did not say anything. “As you wish, My Lord.” 

He entered Leia’s room. She was already dressed, though her hair, thankfully, was still a mess. “Where’s Miss Laena?” She asked, frowning when he was the only one there. 

“I am here to fix your hair problem.” He announced confidently, spotting the brush and summoning it to his hand. 

Leia did  _ not  _ hide her nervousness. “No, that’s okay daddy, I...I can have ugly hair today.” 

“No. You will sit down and allow me to help you.”

“No--”

“If you do not let me help you, I will ground you from your dolls.” It was an unfair threat and he knew it...but he was a Sith. He’d spent an unsithly amount of time mastering the ways of the hairdresser. He was not about to let Leia stop him now. 

Leia pouted, but sat down. “Be nice to my hair, daddy.” She warned as he approached, and he felt her genuine fear. 

Carefully, he placed a hand on top of her head and smoothed her hair down in what he hoped was a soothing gesture...and began. 

He first worked out the tangles. Carefully, in a way he knew wouldn’t hurt her. Once all the tangles were gone, he began to braid. 

The trick, he found, was not to completely rely on his metal fingers. Doing so would result in failure. The trick was to use the Force for anything that was too delicate and precarious for his clumsy hands. With a mixture of the Force and his own now well-practiced hands, he managed to braid her hair into a crown. 

He stepped back, satisfied. “You look like a princess.” He told her, and he meant it. It was hair that would make any royal princess jealous. He was fairly certain that Padme would have been quite proud of him had she seen it. 

Leia looked in the mirror...and smiled. “Wow, daddy! You got good!”

“For you, my princess...though don’t tell anyone I did it.” 

Having redeemed himself, he could have stopped there. He’d mastered enough to impress any five year old. 

But he didn’t stop there. 

Leia soon decided that she’d rather have him do her hair than Miss Laena (something he was secretly pleased about, though he’d never admit it). As she grew, so too did her tastes in hair. Occasionally, she’d be interested in a style he didn’t know how to do. But if she showed him what she wanted, he’d spend what little off time he had trying to figure it out. Once he’d mastered it, he’d try it out on her. Usually he was successful. 

Soon, he began to savor the moments when it was just him and her. She’d sit on the chair, swinging her legs happily while he worked on her hair. Sometimes it felt like they didn’t share as many interests, but when he did her hair, it seemed like it was their own “thing.” It was unsithly, and his Master would absolutely have a heart attack if he ever found out, but he didn’t care. 

Soon though, as Leia grew into a teenager, she began to need him less and less. But instead, their time together was replaced by him teaching her how to do her own hair. He’d always dreamed of teaching his children the ways of the Force, but with Sidious suspicious of that ever happening, he knew this would probably be the closest thing he could get for Leia. 

For now. 

One day, as Leia finished braiding her hair so that it looked like a blooming flower for a Imperial youth party, she paused. “You know. I’ve never told anyone you learned how to do hair.” She said. 

“That is wise.” He tried not to think of what the media would say if they ever found out Darth Vader knew almost as much about hair as any professional hairstylist. 

“Why? I mean. You’re... _ you.”  _

He looked at her for a long moment. She’d grown to be so beautiful, exactly like her mother. And he decided to be honest. 

“Because your mother was not here to do it for you.” He replied. “I did not want you to miss out on that experience.” 

Leia turned, taking him in for a moment. Then, with a smile, she reached out and gave him a rare hug. 

He...allowed it. This time. 

“Thanks dad.” She said. “You’re the best. I don’t care what anyone else says.” 

He didn’t understand how him being good at hair made him the best…

But he’d accept it. 


End file.
